Day 3 in Nairobi

So today I went shopping with Jay's aunt. She's really lovely, but also a tad bit vain. I kept trying to buy dresses with cool designs and use of color, but she kept putting me in clothes for clubbing. I do adore her though; she's very friendly to me, and she really doesn't have to be. I realize I must look frustrated and bored this trip, because she keeps asking me if I'm ok and trying to cheer me up. And then I feel horrible for not having more fun. I just wish I could be more independent here. Maybe I could buy a burkha somewhere?? Then I wouldn't stand out nearly so much. Still it was fun wandering around Nairobi. I'm starting to accept that maybe this trip won't go as I'd hoped. I'll just have to come back someday with other people. Jay's too frightened to wander anywhere with me; I tried that and we got as far as the parking lot before she chickened out. Her brother's really sick now from eating a meat pie." He didn't eve know what meat it was! I realize food is an important part of culture, but nothing short of a kingdom is worth being as sick as he is now.

Day 2

I'm starting to get frustrated, which I realize is unfair. We started driving to the hills, but then Jay's mother decided she'd prefer to drive to a Maasai village instead to watch them dance. But when we got there, we discovered the dancing wasn't for a few more hours and so we drove all the way back in order to pick someone up from the airport. The drive was nice, and I liked watching outside, but I still felt bitterly disappointed. At least we walked around Nairobi some more. I feel ancy, worried about all the money I spent on this trip, and the lack of time we have here. But I realize that's unfair too. I realize they aren't here for me, and I'm grateful I have a place to stay and people to travel with. I just wish it was possible for me to travel by myself. Jay's mother won't let me, telling me that if I'm lost or hurt, the American embassy will destroy them. I'm not sure how much of that is just dramatics and how much is the truth. She and her children have American citizenship, so I hope they wouldn't be blamed, but what about her sisters and their children? I don't think the American embassy is that evil or that covetous of its citizens abroad, but I don't know. And just how dangerous is it here? I feel like I can protect myself, but realize that feeling is not really enough.

In any case, while waiting for them to finish more passport errands in Nairobi, I had a scary experience. As soon as they went into the building, I started locking all the doors and attempting to roll up the windows, but then a man walked up, opened the door, and got in. He told me he was a valet driver, and that our parking space had to be moved, but I wasn't sure if I could trust him, so I fretted in the back with a comb clutched in my hand, as if that could defend me if he decided to drive off. Then I made him call Jay's family, and sure enough, he had been telling the truth, thank god. So (against everyone's wishes) I decided to walk to a nearby Orange store and buy a goddamn phone for instances such as that, because what if he'd reused to let me use his phone? How would I have proven he wasn't stealing our car? So I bought the cheapest phone they had. I felt ridiculously competent for such a small task, but there had been multiple people I had to talk to and wait on line with, and it felt like a victory when I walked out with an activated phone with plenty of minutes on it. I'm glad I got to do something by myself, at least.

Day 1 in Nairobi

I arrived last night. First I flew into Miami, then London Heathrow and finally, Nairobi; a trip that took close to a full 24 hours. My flight to London was magically upgraded by the seat number I chose, and I ended up in British Airways' "World Traveller Plus" class. I got early boarding, more seat room, a nicer pillow, awesome headphones (that they unfortunately made sure to take away) and free drinks, which I promptly took advantage of. It wasn't first class, but it was still damn nice as I would find out soon enough. The flight to Nairobi was economy class and I stared longingly at the seat room the "World Traveller's" got, believe you me. Then the airport. It took quite a while longer to get my visa then the comments on tripadvisor would have had me believe. Then (of course!) I discovered my bag hadn't made it (bastards!). I filed a claim and then walked out where Jay's mom was waving her hands around, surrounded by Jay's family.

Today Jay and her brother had to go do stuff to get their passports renewed. I'm glad I went along. When Jay's mom came upstairs she said we'd go to the hills later after the errands were done, but they took too long so we ended up just walking around Nairobi. It's super crowded and beautiful and really dirty. I was worried I'd think a city populated almost entirely by people who look nothing like me would seem bizaare and alien to me, but I'm happy to comment that wasn't the case. I did get quite a few looks though. Jay told me yesterday her mom followed me to the airport's bathrooms, because the men behind her had questioned her on "where she got [me]" and "could she leave me with [them]?" It made me sad, because I wanted to wander around by myself. Even in Cairo, I would sneak short trips by myself, telling my teachers that the students I was travelling with were running behind and would be by shortly. But I didn't stick out quite as much there, with my skin darkened by Jordan's sun, I could pass for a light-skinned Arab. Now I am back to my super pale, pasty complection and I am surrounded by much darker people. I used to daydream about cutting my hair off and passing as a man should things get too frustrating in Jordan, too for your own good sexist. Here I daydream about buying a burka to walk around freely. How contrary! But there are plenty of Muslim woman walking around in Nairobi in all types of outfits. Strangely, I rarely see them accompanied by men (I wonder why that is?) and rarely see the men (in long white robes and small caps) accompanied by women.

We stopped at a restaurant for lunch. The prices were similar to Jordan's (a meal with a drink cost around $5). I ordered chicken curry, but it was on the bone, and I felt ridiculous, but couldn't bring myself to eat it. So I ate "chips" and rice instead.

Now I'm back at the apartment Jay's family rented. In addition to her mom and brother (who both live in America), there are 3 aunts here and 4 children (two boys, two girls). I'm in love with the youngest, Dylan, who is only 1 year old. I'm sharing a queen-sized bed upstairs with Jay.

Good night Nairobi, Good night world!

Pre-Kenya

So it's mid-finals week and I find myself at my local "Passport health" clinic. It's behind some construction and looks a little shady, but inside it's nice. I spend a ridiculous amount of money on vaccinations (4!). It's weird, because before going to Jordan it never even occurred to me to get any vaccinations for Egypt, even though I knew I'd be spending spring break there. In retrospect that was a little stupid. Maybe more than a little? I did get sick literally the second I was back in Jordan (all over my host family's carpet ugh), but I managed pretty well there. For Kenya I go over the top and get EVERYTHING. I still have my sense of reckless abandon, but I keep thinking "I don't wanna die before I fall in love. I don't wanna die before I fall in love." A preposterous notion, considering that lacking in my human experience is likely more my fault than anyone else's, but the sentiment scares me in its ferocity. I also buy anti-malaria tablets. The kindly receptionist informs me I can get the $25 brand with quite a few scary side effects or the $175 brand with next to none. Eventually I decide on the $25 brand; I'm feeling more lucky/crazed after all those shots.

Later, it occurs to me what a modern miracle this whole experience is. I will not be getting yellow fever. I will not be getting typhoid fever, or meningitis, or malaria. I am blessed by my birth's timing and by the privilege of my lower-middle class, American upbringing.

For Halloween, I was a slutty ood

Holmes/Watson vs. Sherlock/John, Part I

Some things I've noticed so far in my (admittedly few) readings of Holmes/Watson stories versus the (admittedly way too many) Sherlock/John stories I've read:

1) Holmes is always a closeted gay man

Or at least this is true in all the stories I've read so far. If anyone has any links to stories that go against this rule, by all means send them my way!

2) Sherlock (BBC) is always either asexual or demisexual

Now I have read stories that go against this rule, but they have been far outswamped by stories that follow it. And while 'Sherlock-is-demisexual' is not often explicit, I am planning on writing a future blog post on why I think it's much more common than people realize- a lot of stories describe demisexuality without ever calling it that. Probably because most people don't know what it is.

a. In stories where Sherlock BBC is asexual, him and John always have an understanding. Sometimes this means John gives up sex altogether for a life with his soulmate Sherlock. Sometimes this means John is given a free pass to occasionally sleep with others (almost always women!), but always comes home to Sherlock at the end of the day. Sometimes this means Sherlock participates in sex acts with John that require no reciprocation. But all of these stories have one common thread: the explicit idea that John and Sherlock plan to grow old together.

a. In stories where Sherlock BBC is asexual, John is not always attracted to men. In Sherlock/John stories where Sherlock is asexual and John is attracted to men, Sherlock almost always participates in sex acts with John, explaining that he likes giving John pleasure even if he doesn't like receiving pleasure in the same way.

In stories where Sherlock BBC is asexual and John is not attracted to men, John is usually given a free pass to sleep with women (that pass is usually assumed or outright stated will go unused once they retire). Bizarrely, Sherlock/John stories where Sherlock is asexual and John is straight, are more likely to end in marriage between our heroes than stories from the first scenerio. My guess is that this is because the authors of these types of stories want to make the Sherlock/John relationship explicitly romantic and/or emphasize its exclusivity (as opposed to the canon relationship of BFF-ness that's already supposed to exist between them where they could each, hypothetically, have other friendships that become just as close). Since our heroes aren't having sex in this scenerio, marriage is used as a way of making their eventual plan to grow old together explicit without forcing Sherlock to say so, since Sherlock often has problems expressing emotions both in canon and fanon.

3. John (BBC) is always bisexual******. With the exception of asexual!Sherlock story scenerios mentioned above, John is almost always bisexual. This is worth noting since in other fandom slash pairing where one or both of the characters are either explicitly or implicitly identified as straight in canon, this is often not the case. Instead, in such a scenerio one or both of the characters is considered completely straight with the exception of attraction to his one true slash mate. Confused? In high school, I used to read Ryan/Seth fics from The O.C. What can I say? I was a nerd. Anyway, oftentimes Seth was gay or bisexual, and Ryan wasn't. Or sometimes, they were both straight, or even Ryan was queer and Seth wasn't. But there as rarely a scenerio where they were both outright queer, at least when I was involved in that fandom. Instead character A (let's say Ryan) would be straight, but would still find himself falling in love with character B (Seth) and finding himself curious and interested in exploring what sex with character B would be like, even though character B is the only man character A can ever found himself considering having sex with EVER. The implicit understanding in such a scenerio, is that romantic love always leads to sexual attraction. Whether or not this is actually true in real life is up for debate.

So it is worth noting that in Sherlock fandom John is almost always written as bisexual, or at the very least, curious about sex with men. Even in stories where John has never before even fantasized about sex with a man, there's usually something written about him at least considering the possibilities of such acts during his time in the army, and then dismissing them as not for him. And even in the rare story where John finds himself wanting to have sex with Sherlock while never having previously even considered the possibility of sex with a man, even then, after having sex with Sherlock John is usually open and willing to from then on consider himself "not straight" (even if it's only in his head).

4. Watson's sexuality is much more open to interpretation. It's the Victorian era so there's a built in excuse for why gay!Watson would feel the need to have dalliances (and eventually a marriage) with women: It's literally against the law for him to be gay. There is no such excuse in place for John in the modern day BBC world. If caught- or even suspected- Watson could be hanged. So some writers write him as a closeted gay man who is shocked to discover his roommate shares his predilection for penis. Other times Watson is bisexual, or open-minded. It's often remarked that either his job as a doctor, his time in the army, or both have exposed him to homosexuality in the past and that he views it, more or less, as natural. Sometimes he thinks sodomy is a perversion, but Holmes teaches him the wonders of cock.


***** The "John is always bisexual" trope isn't true anymore!!!  Sometime in the last 6 months or so, I've found an influx of "OMG SEXUALITY CRISIS John" stories!  I attribute a lot of this from my switch of relying on the sherlockbbc livejournal for my fanfic to A03 instead, but I also wonder if season 2 somehow influenced this.  Anyone have any comments?

Thoughts on Doctor Who Ep. "The Girl Who Waited"

Ok I thought I'd start off by saying I fucking love any stories that have to do with time travel or the impact of memories. "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" is my favorite movie for a reason, and although this episode had more to do with time travel than memories, the memories will still come into play.

Because regardless of whether Older!Amy ever really existed at all, she still exists in the memories of Rory and Amy. And Older!Amy couldn't stand changing time, because she was scared of being erased. And what defined her existence? Her memories.

I like how dark the doctor is in this, but it seemed oddly placed. Just last week we were led to believe that the doctor's killer is considered even more terrible than Hitler by a future organization that believes they have the right to pass judgements like God (literally...in that they can determine who goes to hell and who doesn't). Then this week we're reminded how fucking crazy and morally grey the doctor really is. I think the doctor risked a lot more than we see on the screen by trying to save Amy. I believe that we're just supposed to assume that, due to past episodes we've seen where the doctor tried to change time streams. And I think the doctor's moral grayness is a great compliment to River's. He isn't willing to shield Rory or Amy from his madness, and neither is River (at least in the point of time we currently know her). In a way both the doctor and River are abusive towards Rory and Amy, dolling out madness and guilt, and just assuming they'll be loved anyway.

For a while now I've suspected that Amy and Rory are much closer to the doctor than any of his former companions (even Rose). I admit this is partially because River described Amy and Rory as his "best friends." But now I realize Amy is so wrapped up in the doctor's present that he can't possibly admit defeat. She's the little girl. She's his best friend. *And* she's the mother of his future (present?) love. And Rory is the boy who was ok waiting 2000 years to protect the girl he loved.

Which reminds me, why didn't Rory bring that up when Amy accused him of abandoning her for 37 years? That was different and it wasn't and I would've liked to have seen that argument. And I also would've liked to have seen someone mention Melody.

I thought it was a little gross how everyone just assumed Older!Amy would be glad to have not existed. It also would've been more interesting to me if Older!Amy hadn't chosen to lay down her life for young!Amy and Rory's future. It makes you wonder what changed this time around that was different from when Older!Amy was in younger!Amy's shoes. Still. All around this episode was extremely touching. I loved Robot!Rory. I loved Rory's quiet acceptance that Robot!Rory was her pet. I fucking adored the concept of the facility as a place where one day can be stretched into a lifetime (although why were all the people separated??? If I had a day to live a lifetime, I'd want there to be other people to be there too. To explore with. To fall in love with. To grow old with). And I loved when Rory says he doesn't want to travel with the doctor anymore, and then accuses him of turning Rory into himself. I'd like to see this episode having some ramifications for their future adventures together.

All around I'd give it 4 stars out of 5.