So I'm posting this from my actual school! They have a computer room with old pcs and slow Internet (but a computer room all the same). The topic of this entry is "frustrations," because we are all going a little fucking crazy. Sleeping 4 to a room and 8 to an apartment is damn tough. Furthermore, students will be students and this is even more true when teaching in middle eastern conditions and there aren't any fans or air conditioning units.
Yesterday I almost snapped a bunch of times. The day before the head of the program had sat in on my class for a little while and made me very flustered. The next day she came back with her sister *and* one of our drivers. In 100 degree whether in that tiny, breeze less room. I started to make huge mistakes. I called quotation marks exclamation marks for like 5 minutes before the coordinator stepped in and corrected my class while her sister scribbled away furiously at notes about my teaching. I thought, "fuck this." I thought, "this isn't worth it." But then they left.
So it goes, I guess. Shit happens. Today the coordinator came into my class and sat there the whole damn time. I practiced breathing excercises. The thing is, of course they have the right to sit in on our classes. But all the same, I felt blindsided. No one told me yesterday that her sister and our driver would come join my class too. I felt like a monkey on display. We went through all these discussions and brainstorming sessions to make sure our kids wouldn't feel that way that it felt like a betrayal when it happened to me. But she didn't know any better and it's not their fault they give me such anxiety. I know other volunteers felt similarly anxious when the coordinators sat in on their classes, but one of them fucked up like I did. It's just that the frustrations of day to say life here magnify things that otherwise wouldn't matter so much. One girl in our apartment who is usually pretty even tempered started shrieking yesterday morning when someone left an empty soda bottle in our living room. Anothe girl kept snapping at everyone who took too long to get downstairs. Everyone is acting passive aggressive, not only due to our crowded living conditions, but also our complete lack of independence. Not to mention the fact we're all suffering from different degrees of digestive distress and there's only one toilet (two bathrooms, one toilet. One of the rooms has a "turkish toilet" AKA hole in the floor).
I have faith this is just a small roadblock though. We will fight through it. We are so much better off thanour kids.
Yesterday I almost snapped a bunch of times. The day before the head of the program had sat in on my class for a little while and made me very flustered. The next day she came back with her sister *and* one of our drivers. In 100 degree whether in that tiny, breeze less room. I started to make huge mistakes. I called quotation marks exclamation marks for like 5 minutes before the coordinator stepped in and corrected my class while her sister scribbled away furiously at notes about my teaching. I thought, "fuck this." I thought, "this isn't worth it." But then they left.
So it goes, I guess. Shit happens. Today the coordinator came into my class and sat there the whole damn time. I practiced breathing excercises. The thing is, of course they have the right to sit in on our classes. But all the same, I felt blindsided. No one told me yesterday that her sister and our driver would come join my class too. I felt like a monkey on display. We went through all these discussions and brainstorming sessions to make sure our kids wouldn't feel that way that it felt like a betrayal when it happened to me. But she didn't know any better and it's not their fault they give me such anxiety. I know other volunteers felt similarly anxious when the coordinators sat in on their classes, but one of them fucked up like I did. It's just that the frustrations of day to say life here magnify things that otherwise wouldn't matter so much. One girl in our apartment who is usually pretty even tempered started shrieking yesterday morning when someone left an empty soda bottle in our living room. Anothe girl kept snapping at everyone who took too long to get downstairs. Everyone is acting passive aggressive, not only due to our crowded living conditions, but also our complete lack of independence. Not to mention the fact we're all suffering from different degrees of digestive distress and there's only one toilet (two bathrooms, one toilet. One of the rooms has a "turkish toilet" AKA hole in the floor).
I have faith this is just a small roadblock though. We will fight through it. We are so much better off thanour kids.
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