Everything's kind of twisted up in my head so I think I will try and make several posts to explain the situation.
Here are the things that are worrying me:
* first of all, it is really difficult to imagine the program ending in just 4 days. I feel like I haven't done enough for these kids. I feel like my first class is bored and my second class does't care enough and I feel like if I had more time I might be able to figure out how to ramp up their energy, but under the current curriculum requirements for this coming week and with the lack of time available, I can't imagine much changing. I feel like I'm a really good teacher when it ones to reading stories or articles and then forcing them to analyze said articles and figure out the meaning of words they don't know. I can definitely tell they're engaged and their attention is on me. I've come up with good vocabulary games. They seem happy to discuss their readings and even happier reading. But when it comes to things like having them sit quietly and write essays or even just simple sentences about their weekends, I'm totally shit. They say no, they talk loudly to each other in Arabic, and no matter how much I yell at them I only ever get a marginal and temporary control over them.
It is also sad to think of everyone here leaving and going off on my own. I'm only really close with one person here, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to leave the safety and security of the roof over my head and my 7 roommates to try and make it work via couchsurfing and hosteling.
Furthermore, I don't know if I'm getting a sub letter next month yet, and I'm in increasingly dire straights financially (I've had some stuff stolen during a recent trip to Beirut, but I don't want to talk about it. I didn't even tell my other volunteers. I acted stupidly).
*Photography class was pretty much a complete failure. My co-teacher decided he was making a documentary about the 1948 refugees living in the camp and most of these children don't speak English and I don't speak Arabic and there are 2 cameras (1 broke) and like 20 children and I am not a good enough teacher to make this work. I tried to make them interview each other and it failed. I have to hope they at least marginally enjoyed some of the time they spent taking pictures, but even that seems like a long shot in light of their bored and disinterested expressions.
*I'm fasting and I've really enjoyed it, but I can't turn down a free meal if I'm THIS badly off financially (and I really, really am) so I think when school starts tomorrow I will have to start secretly consuming food away from the children. This is a mixed bag. I've really enjoyed feeling like a part of something by fasting, but I've also had quite a few mood swings that I know have been caused by lack of food and water, and furthermore, my sleep schedule is complete shit when I'm waking up or staying up until 3 a.m. to have breakfast and so when shit goes down, my energy and emotional strength dips violently.
*I have no idea where I am going to go or what I am going to do in a little over a week. No. Idea. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.
Here are the things that are worrying me:
* first of all, it is really difficult to imagine the program ending in just 4 days. I feel like I haven't done enough for these kids. I feel like my first class is bored and my second class does't care enough and I feel like if I had more time I might be able to figure out how to ramp up their energy, but under the current curriculum requirements for this coming week and with the lack of time available, I can't imagine much changing. I feel like I'm a really good teacher when it ones to reading stories or articles and then forcing them to analyze said articles and figure out the meaning of words they don't know. I can definitely tell they're engaged and their attention is on me. I've come up with good vocabulary games. They seem happy to discuss their readings and even happier reading. But when it comes to things like having them sit quietly and write essays or even just simple sentences about their weekends, I'm totally shit. They say no, they talk loudly to each other in Arabic, and no matter how much I yell at them I only ever get a marginal and temporary control over them.
It is also sad to think of everyone here leaving and going off on my own. I'm only really close with one person here, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to leave the safety and security of the roof over my head and my 7 roommates to try and make it work via couchsurfing and hosteling.
Furthermore, I don't know if I'm getting a sub letter next month yet, and I'm in increasingly dire straights financially (I've had some stuff stolen during a recent trip to Beirut, but I don't want to talk about it. I didn't even tell my other volunteers. I acted stupidly).
*Photography class was pretty much a complete failure. My co-teacher decided he was making a documentary about the 1948 refugees living in the camp and most of these children don't speak English and I don't speak Arabic and there are 2 cameras (1 broke) and like 20 children and I am not a good enough teacher to make this work. I tried to make them interview each other and it failed. I have to hope they at least marginally enjoyed some of the time they spent taking pictures, but even that seems like a long shot in light of their bored and disinterested expressions.
*I'm fasting and I've really enjoyed it, but I can't turn down a free meal if I'm THIS badly off financially (and I really, really am) so I think when school starts tomorrow I will have to start secretly consuming food away from the children. This is a mixed bag. I've really enjoyed feeling like a part of something by fasting, but I've also had quite a few mood swings that I know have been caused by lack of food and water, and furthermore, my sleep schedule is complete shit when I'm waking up or staying up until 3 a.m. to have breakfast and so when shit goes down, my energy and emotional strength dips violently.
*I have no idea where I am going to go or what I am going to do in a little over a week. No. Idea. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.
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